Moments
by fallinrain
Summary: Looking at me now, you might not know it," the old man smiled, "but I've had my moments." A oneshot inspired by the Emerson Drive song of the same name.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**A/N: This was inspired by the song "Moments" by Emerson Drive, like the summary says. This was originally going to be a Ryelsi, but I wanted to try something a little different. So it was then going to be a Chaylor, but I didn't think it would work for them. I've recently developed a soft spot for Jartha, so I decided to make it for them. It's a little sad and I tried to stick to the song as close as possible. I can't seem to stay away from Ryelsi for too long, so there's a little bit of them in here too. I'm pretty happy with this one so I hope you all like it. Let me know what you think! **

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Jason Cross had never felt like more of a failure in his entire life. He had just managed to lose his job and have a huge argument with his wife of two years Martha – the latest in a long series of bad arguments. He watched all of his friends and couldn't help but notice how successful they all were – both in terms of their jobs and their marriages. In comparison to the rest of them, Jason felt like the biggest loser in the world. He had stormed out of the house after the fight with the intent of taking a long drive to clear his mind. That dream lasted about twenty seconds – the length of time it took for him to realize that his car was as dead as a doornail with no sign of life in the immediate future. It was fixable, sure, but that involved money. Something neither he nor his wife had too much of at the moment. Martha had taken on two jobs: one as a waitress and one as a receptionist to help make ends meet since Jason's job hadn't been enough. Now that Jason had lost his job, the prospect of making all of their monthly payments seemed completely impossible. That in and of itself had given him cause to panic while he had taken the city bus home after being fired. Unfortunately for him, that had only been the beginning of the bad news. He winced, remembering that his quip about the never-ending stream of bad news had taken his argument with his wife to the next level. Martha had, more or less, dropped a bombshell on him. A huge, massive, crippling bombshell that had left him reeling. If things hadn't been so bad for them financially, the news she had given him would've been a cause for celebration: she was pregnant with their first child. She had expected him to be overjoyed with the news, convinced that the baby was a sign that their marriage might make it after all. Jason, however, had more or less completely freaked out. It wasn't that he wasn't happy about the idea of becoming a father; it was that he had no idea how in the world he was going to manage to support his growing family. He had been completely terrified at the thought of not being able to take care of his wife and child which had led him to the comment about the never-ending stream of bad news.

It had been as if he had literally struck his wife when he made that comment. She had looked like she had been punched in the stomach and Jason would've given anything for the opportunity to hit some sort of rewind button so he could react differently. More appropriately. He shook his head. If he had been a brighter man, he never would have made the comment in the first place. But he had never considered himself particularly bright. The argument that had resulted from his stupidity was easily one of the worst they had had lately. After discovering that his car was dead, he had chosen to take a walk instead. Maybe the physical exercise would be better for him anyway. He had no idea how far he had walked or what time it was. He had no idea how long he had been gone. All he knew was that it had been a long, long walk and his future had seemed bleaker with every step he took. What good was he to anyone? He couldn't hold down a steady job and instead his wife, his pregnant wife at that, was working her butt off at two jobs. Neither one in a field she was even remotely interested in. He was the biggest failure he knew and now he came to a conclusion that he never would've imagined he'd ever reach. He seemed to destroy everything he touched. Look at what he had done to Martha. She had believed in him and supported his crazy dream of being a director, even though it often meant he was in low paying jobs along the way as he tried to work his way up in the business. That was why she had taken two jobs in the first place. To keep everything running along as smoothly as possible so he could keep his pitiful job that would hopefully help him move up the ladder to the job he really wanted. Between the three of their combined jobs, they were just able to get by. Working two thankless jobs had taken its toll on his wife. He remembered how much she used to smile while they were still in school. She had been the most cheerful person he had ever known; now he couldn't even remember the last time she smiled.

Or actually, he realized with a bitter shake of his head, he could. It had been earlier that day when she had announced she was pregnant. They had been having arguments for weeks. The strain of their jobs taking its toll on their marriage. He had ended up sleeping on the couch more often than not. But even in spite of that, the thought of carrying his baby had been a source a joy to her. She had smiled for the first time in who knows how long and what had he done? Made his stupid comment about it being more bad news. Her smile, the beautiful smile he had been missing, had been quickly replaced by tears. The realization made him feel like a piece of garbage. Martha deserved so much better than him, he couldn't help thinking. Anyone would be an improvement over him.

His long, long walk had taken him to the E. Street Bridge and as he looked at it, the conclusion he had come to earlier called to him. He noticed an old man crawling out of a box from underneath the bridge. Jason made it halfway across the bridge, realizing that the old man was following him like some sort of homeless shadow. Taking pity on the man, Jason decided to dig around in his pocket for some change to give him. It wasn't like he would need it himself. At least not anymore.

"Here you go, man," Jason said, offering him the change he had found. "I wish I had some more to give you..." He trailed off, feeling a little uncomfortable. The old man took the change gratefully, looking just a bit ashamed.

"You know, I haven't always been this way," the old man said softly. "I've had my moments, days in the sun. Moments I was second to none. Moments where I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do." He nudged at Jason's arm as if determined to make his point. "Like that plane ride coming home from the war or that summer my son was born. Memories, like a coat so warm the cold wind can't get through. Looking at me now, you might not know it," the old man smiled, "but I've had my moments."

Jason stood there, at the center of the bridge and looked over the railing and down. He took a deep breath as he tried to find his nerve. He wondered if there was a single soul on the Earth that would care at all if he did it. If there was anyone would miss him when he was gone. Images of Martha immediately flashed in his mind and Jason paused. She would care. She might be angry with him now and hurt by the things he had said. But she would care. Because she, for who knows what reason, still loved him. The thought was enough to make him second guess his decision. He had no idea how he could fix what was broken in his marriage and he still believed that she deserved better than him. So much better. He knew that as bad as things got between them that there was no way Martha would leave him. When she had taken her wedding vows, for better or for worse, she had meant them. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. She would stick by him, even though it meant that she was condemning herself to a lifetime of disappointment. Because that's all he seemed capable of doing: disappointing people. Tied into the whole being a failure thing. Being married to Jason was slowly taking the life out of Martha and he figured that the only way to stop it would be if went through with his plans. She would be hurt at first. Devastated even. But she would survive. Jason knew that his friends would make sure she was taken care of and someday she would heal. And she would meet someone who could actually provide for her, someone who would be a good father to the baby.

Jason felt his heart sink at the idea of the baby. A baby he would never get to see. It was just as well, he figured. It would only be a matter of time before he ruined his baby's life just like he had ruined his wife's. It may have been flawed logic, at best, but it was enough. The old man, meanwhile, kept hanging around. He would look at Jason and then lower his eyes to the ground. It was almost as if the old man could recognize the look that was surely in Jason's eyes. As Jason stood with him there, he started feeling ashamed.

"You know...I haven't always been this way," he said, echoing the man's own words. "I've had my moments, my days in the sun. Moments I was second to none. Moments when I knew I did what I though I couldn't do." He paused as he thought back. He had struggled with drinking back in college and had been well on his way to becoming an alcoholic. Would've become one if it hadn't of been for Martha. "Like the day I walked away from the wine for a woman that became my wife. In a love that," he smiled sadly, "when it was right could always see me through." He shook his head. "Looking at me now you might not know it. But I've had my moments."

"I realize it might not be my place to say anything," the man said, in response. "But are you sure that this is what you want to do?" He peered over the edge of the railing. "It's a long way down."

"Yeah..." Jason nodded. "I just don't see any other way," he admitted. He wasn't sure why exactly, but something about the old man made him feel comfortable. "I lost my job and my wife is pregnant. She's working two jobs and it's too much for her to handle. She never smiles anymore and we fight all the time. Now we're going to have a baby to take care of and I don't even know how we're going to manage to keep the electricity on. Let alone how we're going to raise this child."

"Life is hard sometimes," the old man said simply. "It doesn't always work out the way we want it to and sometimes we struggle. You know...there's something my father used to tell me. He said that in life we're going to have mountains we're going to have to climb. It's going to be difficult at times and we might lose our balance from time to time. We might wonder how we're ever going to make it to the top of the mountain, how we're going to overcome this obstacle that's been placed in our path." He studied the street below. "Have you ever stood on top of a mountain? You get some of the most incredible views up there. It can be so beautiful that it can literally take away your breath. Usually the harder it takes to reach the top, the more beautiful the view. Only trouble is that too many people give up halfway. They figure it's too hard, too much work to keep going. They decide that the view from the top surely must not be worth all of the effort involved to get there. So they just give up. But here's the thing...the view from the top? It's usually so beautiful that no amount of effort seems good enough in comparison. The view is pretty much always more than worth the work involved to get there." He put his hand on Jason's shoulder briefly. "Life's the same way."

"But how do you know there's a beautiful view waiting? What if you climb on up and find yourself falling off a cliff?"

"That's a good question," the old man nodded. "I guess you don't. Only way to figure out is to keep climbing." He looked at Jason and then back to the street below. "I don't know where you are on your own mountain, but surely the view from the top has got to be better than the bottom you're facing."

"It's so hard," Jason whispered.

"Don't I know it," the old man agreed. "I can't tell you what to do. This is your decision. But there's something I want you to consider. You might feel like you're at your bottom now and that's okay. Because when you're at your bottom, the only way to look is up. Now...if you take the jump, that's it. No second chances after a fall like that. But if you stick with it. If you keep trying and keep fighting, who knows what's waiting for you." He tilted his head. "And consider this as well: climbing a mountain by yourself is dangerous. It's so much easier to get hurt and, if you do get hurt, it's harder to get help. But if you have someone to help you...not only is it easier, it's also safer. If someone gets tired, they can lean on the other one for support." He nodded. "Your wife is on the same mountain you're on. Do you really want her to leave her to climb it alone?"

Jason thought about the question, picturing his beautiful Martha attempting to climb a horrific mountain with a baby on her back. Pictured her slipping and losing her balance. He closed his eyes, unable to let his imagination take him any further. "No," he whispered. "No, I don't." He looked at the old man with tears in his eyes.

"Then how about you follow me off of this bridge?" the old man offered. Jason looked over the railing once more and nodded.

"Okay," he said softly.

"If you ask me," the old man started as they began walking back across the bridge, "I would say that you just had another moment." Jason couldn't help letting out a small chuckle at the irony.

"Moments where I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do," he said, remembering the words both of them had spoken earlier. It was then that they both heard the sound of a car approaching. Both of them looked up and Jason was surprised to see that it was a car he recognized. An expensive car belonging to one of his friends. The car pulled over to the side of the road and came to a stop. One of the backdoors opened and Jason watched as his wife stepped out, tears in her eyes. "Martha," he whispered, shocked.

"I...you've been gone for so long...I was so worried," she said softly, letting out a small sniffle. "I called all of our friends...they're all out looking for you. Our car wouldn't start so I decided to tag along with Ryan and Kelsi..." She brought a hand to her mouth as she looked past Jason to the bridge. A sob escaped from her as she must have realized what had almost happened.

"How'd you find me?" Jason asked. He took a step closer to her, not noticing the old man slowly slip away.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "We were driving and I just...felt this really strange urge to come here...We've been all over the city..."

"Martha...I am so sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm such a failure of a husband. I'm sorry for what I said about our baby. I'm sorry I've made such a mess out of everything."

"Oh Jason...I'm sorry too. I know things have been hard for us lately but...but I think we'll be okay...Or at least, we could be okay...if you want to be..."

"I don't," he decided. "I don't want to settle for okay. I want better for us." She smiled at him then and the sight of it was like a balm for his wounded heart. "We're kind of on a mountain right now...and it's going to be hard and we're going to struggle. But...but I think that if we keep fighting, if we keep climbing...together – always together – that we can make it to the top. And I know that when we make it, the view is going to be worth so much more than the effort it'll take to get there."

"Oh Jason," she let out another sob. "That's a great way of putting it..."

"I can't take the credit for it," he admitted. He turned around to try and find the old man, but by then he had disappeared. "He left," Jason said softly. "I didn't even get a chance to say thank you."

"Who left?" Martha asked, confused.

"This old man...he followed me out on the bridge and talked me out of what I...what I was going to do." Jason looked back at her. "I wish I would've gotten to thank him." A few seconds passed while the two of them just looked at each other. "I don't know how we're going to make it..." he told her.

"Me either," she confessed. "But we will. Together." He smiled at her.

"Together," he repeated. She let out another sob and flung herself at her husband.

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"Oh Ryan," Kelsi said softly, from inside the car. Her eyes were on their friends but she reached over to take hold of her husband's hand. "Do you think they'll be okay?"

"I think they will," Ryan said, giving her hand a light squeeze. "We can help."

"How?" Kelsi asked, tearing her gaze from Jason and Martha to look at him.

"We still need a director for our show, don't we?" he reminded her. They had been working to get their very first show on Broadway up and running and the director they had gotten had backed out of the project. Ryan and Kelsi had more or less taken on the role, though it wasn't one either of them were overly comfortable with. They each preferred to stick to their specialties. "It's not the movies but...it's something. At least he'd be able to make more than he was making at that last job he had. And he needs some experience anyway." Kelsi slowly smiled.

"Why didn't we think of that before?" she asked. Ryan shrugged.

"Jason always talked about directing movies. We never thought he'd be interested....he might not be for all we know. But it can't hurt to ask, right?"

"Right," Kelsi beamed at him while Jason and Martha got into the car.

"Hey guys...thanks for helping Martha look for me," Jason said, leaning forward to speak to them.

"What are friends for?" Ryan asked. He looked at him in his rearview mirror. "Though next time, try not to be so dramatic, huh?"

"As far as I'm concerned, there won't be a next time," Jason said, smiling at his wife.

"Hey Jason," Kelsi turned in her seat to look at him. "Me and Ryan were thinking...."

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_Two years later._

"So tell me something," Martha began, grinning at her husband. "How does it feel to be the director of one of the hottest new shows on Broadway?"

"Pretty good," Jason admitted. "Though most of the credit belongs to Ryan and Kelsi. The music and dance numbers steal the show every single time. I just manage to keep things running smoothly in between."

"Ryan and Kelsi do deserve a lot of credit," Martha agreed. "But don't sell yourself short. You're doing a wonderful job."

"Thanks." He smiled at her and moved to kiss her, but the sound of a baby's cry filled the air and ruined the moment. "Though...as much as I love working with Ryan and Kelsi...I like this job a lot better," he informed her as he led the way to their son's bedroom.

"And what job is that?" Martha asked, smiling as she watched Jason carefully pick their son up.

"Being a father to this little guy, of course," he answered. His eyes softened as he looked over to meet her gaze. "And a husband to you."

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" she asked. It was true. Their lives had done a complete turn around from the way they had been two years before.

"Seems like we've made it to the top of the mountain." He tilted his head. "The view's pretty good from up here isn't it?" Martha smiled as she put her arms around her husband and their son.

"Pretty good?" she laughed and the sound was like music to Jason's ears. She smiled all the time now, just like she had done while they were both still in school. "I'd say the view's pretty terrific."

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_Meanwhile..._

A group of homeless people had gathered around a trashcan fire one of them had started. All of the attention was focused on an old man as they all listened to him tell his story one more time.

"I've had my moments, days in the sun. Moments I was second to none. Moments I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do," he was saying. "Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge when a young man almost ended it. I was right there, wasn't scared a bit and I helped to pull him through." He swept his gaze around the other people huddled around the fire. "Looking at me now you might not know it. But I've had my moments."


End file.
